Originally written on Oct 6th, 2010.
The heart knows...
Today is the day.
The day that my world changed forever.
This is the day that my son was diagnosed with his heart defect.
This is the day that I prayed that was not real.
This is the day my mom said, " I keep thinking, this is just a bad dream and we will wake up."
It was not a bad dream, it was our new reality. We were told that our little 8 lb healthy son had a very rare heart defect and would require open heart reconstruction to be able to live, but that it was FIXABLE.
I think back to the situation that we were told. I knew something in my heart, something was just not right, but I had NO idea that it would be this big. I can remember sitting in the doctors office and crying before he brought us the news. He said, " crying already, just wait." He returned a short bit later after reviewing the EKG and echo and was able to tell us exactly what the heart condition was, but most importantly he was able to tell us that the defect was FIXABLE.
I know that he is not able to give this type of good news to all families. I know that we are one of the lucky ones.
Each year around this time, we celebrate.
We celebrate birthdays.
We remember the day he was diagnosed.
We celebrate his heart birthday, the day his heart was fixed.
I am still surprised how around this time of year, I still grieve.
I grieve the normalcy that I wanted. I wanted to have a normal child without a heart defect.
I still cry thinking and remembering the events around getting the news and the next 4 weeks that followed by being at the hospital, next to his bed praying that he would get better.
I do cry less, much less than his 1st anniversary, but I think the heart knows....
